smartphone Jokes

$100 Smartphone Jokes

$100 

Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admitted that, well, yes he did. She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."
After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00pm on Friday.
Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left. Bill came home about 6:00pm.
He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"
Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."
Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"
His wife thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!' Finally she says, "Yes, he did give me $100."
"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.

= = = = = = = = = = =

A teenage girl walked into a bank with several glass jars filled with quarters. After running them through the automated counting machine, the teller announced, "That came out to $793.75. Tell me, young lady, how long have you been hoarding all those quarters?"
"All year," replied the girl, "but my sister whored half of them."

= = = = = = = = = = =

Half Century Age Difference
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed.
When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover his 12 inch erection, and he was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs. Fearing her plan had gone amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"
The old man replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming,... and the smell of burning rubber!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands!

= = = = = = = = = = =

A woman was driving down the road one day only to find herself behind a horse trailer being pulled by a pick-up truck. As they were driving along, the back door of the horse trailer came loose and swung open, exposing the rear end of the horse inside. Eventually, gastric and bowel processes completed, the horse's tail lifted and -- voila -- the woman's windshield was covered in horse stuff.
Now the woman's first instinct was, of course, to turn on the windshield wipers. Unfortunately, this only made the situation worse and as the woman tried to gain control of the car and keep it on the road, she heard a siren. Craning her neck out the window to steer the car onto the shoulder, she noticed that the siren was sounding from directly behind her and followed her onto the shoulder.
Sitting in her car, trying to regain her composure, a state trooper came alongside and asked the woman for her license and registration. Now, it was readily apparent from even a cursory glance, what had happened to the windshield of the woman's car and she was shocked that the trooper appeared so callous and had not even enquired as to her safety. "What do you want my license and registration for?" asked the woman.
"You were driving erratically," replied the state trooper.
Now, almost apoplectic, the woman began fumbling through her purse. As she presented the requested documents to the state trooper she asked, sarcastically, "I suppose you want to sell me a ticket to the state trooper's ball, also."
The state trooper fixed her with a long, hard gaze, drew himself up to his full height and replied, "Ma'am. State Troopers don't have balls!"
After a momentary pause, the trooper's face turned several shades of red. He handed back her license and registration, strode back to his car and drove off.

= = = = = = = = = = =

Posted by www.anymobilesmartphone.co.uk